It looks like the preachers selling the purity propaganda are wrong (big surprise). There’s this fabrication within the purity culture that goes like this: if you save yourself for marriage, you will have mind-blowing sex and live happily ever after. Not so for quite a few people. Take Jessica Ciencin Henriquez’s article “My Virginity Mistake” on the Salon website. She says the opposite of the purity culture’s message – that waiting for marriage actually led to her divorce.
How so? She didn’t realize that she and her husband were physically incompatible. Physical and sexual incompatibility are concepts that purity propagandists scoff at, and they usually say something retarded, such as, “Intimacy is built over time” and “Just keep trusting the Lord and He will make you two close.” But this is a real issue here. You can’t just theorize problems away, or you may end up hurting people and possibly turning them from God. Ms. Henriquez is not alone in her experiences. Take Clair’s blogpost “I Regret Saving Sex For Marriage” as well. She is another one who waited for marriage and ended up divorced. There’s a pattern here of repressing your sexuality and then all of a sudden having to “be” a sexual creature on your wedding night at the flip of a switch (in this case a light switch). Take these other articles:
“I regret waiting to have my first sexual experience on my wedding night because it was on my honeymoon that I first began to realize that my wife and I were sexually incompatible. If I had realized that while we were dating, I probably would have found someone else to date, court and marry. I think I would have had a much happier marriage and a much happier life. Our mismatched sex drives have been a major obstacle to happiness for half of my life.
Now that I am in my 40’s and have had only one sex partner in my life, I regret having had only one sex partner and not having been sexually active prior to marriage. I feel like I wasted my youth waiting and hoping for the nirvana of marital sex that never materialized. It has been the greatest disappointment of my life. In hindsight, teenage promiscuity seems like it would have been better.”
Patheos article “Christian Pastor: ‘I Have Never Met Anyone Who is Actually Happy About Having Sex Before They Were Married’” – Religious idiot Aaron Buer claims that no one who saves themselves for marriage ends up disappointed, with comments refuting him.
Patheos blog by Libby Anne “Courtship, Dating, and Regret”
“The truth is, when two young people who have never dated before are thrown together, they have no idea what they’re doing. Yet this is the ideal of the courtship movement. The expectations are high and the experience is low. If you ask me, this is a recipe for disaster.”
Criticism of the purity culture, also by Libby Anne on Patheos
Articles on the purity culture on Patheos
Question for the reader: What has been your experience? Were you a virgin when you got married? How did this affect you?